Bring on the Haters
So I started this blog because I need to lose twelve pounds for a specific surgery. For the past three years I’ve gone back and forth on wether I wanted to get it or not and twice I have backed out. Finally, I decided in November this was the time I was going to do it. I deserve to have this specific work done and it will make my life so much better. I qualify to get the surgery now, but my doctor said it was best if I lose some weight.
I’ve lost weight before so I knew it was something I could do. It took a lot of hard work but I pushed my body as hard as I could and was rewarded by feeling so strong and healthy. Then one day, like I’m sure plenty of people can relate to, I fell off the fitness wagon and gained almost all of it back. Over the past year, I’ve struggled with getting back to my obsession with fitness. I used to be so dedicated and focused. I would go to the gym at 11 o’clock at night if I hadn’t had the time before that and I was very particular about what I ate. I hoped that making this blog would get me back to that place, because I would be accountable to you internet. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to work that way.
In fact, I’ve gone to the gym less and ate more bad food since A) finding out I need to lose 12 pounds and B) making this blog. I told myself that I would call to book my surgery on the last day of January. It’s the 8th. I need to lose 4 pounds a week to make that happen. For some reason though, still I didn’t bother getting up and going to the gym. I have so many people being SO encouraging and supportive so why can’t I do it? I know I can, so what’s stopping me?
My boyfriend told me how frustrating it was for him last night. All he does is encourage me and still I don’t do anything. He kept asking me what he had to do to help me and I just kept shrugging him off. “I’ll do it” I kept saying. Finally, he shook his head and said “No, you can’t. You can’t do it.” and then rolled over and went to sleep. I rolled my eyes and went on Pinterest.
Then this morning I woke up at five and I was angry. He didn’t think I could do it? Who is he to say that to me? I can do it, because I’ve done it before! “I’ll show him” I kept thinking. I set three alarms, one every fifteen minutes starting at 7:30 am, which is so early for me because I work 2 to 10. First alarm, I could have my fifteen minutes of ‘snooze button’, start the car at 7:45 and then be gone at 8. I could get about an hour and a half before I had to come home so he could go to work.
I went to the gym and worked out like I used to. I seriously pushed myself and I wanted to stay longer (I only got in an hour because I had to get gas and my car stalled on my way there). On my way back I just kept thinking: “Haha, I showed you stupid boyfriend. I got up at 7:45 and went to the gym and you didn’t think I could.” Then I realized just what happened.
All I hear all the time is that I can do it. How people believe in me and how much they support me getting healthier. I believed in myself and so did the people around me. But instead of taking that encouragement with me the to the gym I sat on my butt because “I know I can do it.” So since it’s totally possible for me, why not just start tomorrow? I mean not a big deal, I’ll lose weight wether I start tomorrow or monday. I should start on a monday, that’s when you’re supposed to start things. Mondays went by and still I hadn’t started. What I needed to hear for someone, anyone was that I couldn’t do it. That someone doubted my word when I said I would get in shape. I needed a hater. Now I’m sure my boyfriend qualifies as the nicest hater you could have but the point is I got out of bed this morning more excited to go to the gym then ever. He did me a favour by doubting me and I totally deserve to be doubted. You can only say you’ll do something so many times before people stop believing in you.
There’s a place for doubt and haters in life. If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you. Today proved to be the lesson I needed. I know my boyfriend does truly believe in me and he told me today he had to say something to light a fire under my butt. Fire lit. I’m going to make sure I remember how it felt to have someone doubt me even for a minute and how motivated I was to prove him wrong.
And now I’m TOTALLY accountable or the whole internet will be my big giant hater if I can’t do it.
See you at the gym tomorrow 😉