I need a better hobby
One of my faults I can say for sure is I have a tendency to constantly reassess myself. Now for some people, taking a step back to look at the big picture can be immensely helpful and can give you the opportunity to pick new priorities. For me, this happens too often and a lot of times I end up running too fast towards one thing only to decided on a whim that it was a dire mistake and now I’m sprinting back to the start only to end up some wheres else before the race has even started. I get so excited about that new something and then when it doesn’t work out the way I want, I run the other way onto the next something hoping for better. I always need to feel like I’m in constant motion or control and I feel like a complete failure when I’m not.
This blog was a blip of one of my MANY impulses. My personality makes me a crazy fad dieter, always looking for the real truth. I’m always looking for the best way to do something and I research the shit out of it. I constantly need something to plan and obsess over and that is where I fail. I talked before about a few years ago when I lost the most weight and for the past couple years I’ve been trying to really figure out what I did. I researched so much about nutrition and I did the Paleo Diet. Then I started reading A LOT into healthy and organic foods; I watched so many documentaries on being fat, juicing and then I convinced myself the only way for me to survive was to only eat foods from the Farmer’s market. I also convinced myself I had a sever food addiction that I was dead set on curing myself of. I literally was taking the rules of almost every single diet I’d ever read about and applying them to the way I ate food at the same time. Like eating the most whole grain nutritionally amazing bread and thinking I just messed my diet up because my insulin levels were going to go crazy and this one piece of bread was going to make me fat, Like I was being seriously CRAY. So then today, I’m reading 4 Hour Body and it all came to me at once.
The reason I’m failing is because I’m taking this too far.
I lost more weight 2 years ago when I knew literally NOTHING about nutrition and all I did was make a couple small changes and then continued on with my life. I followed a general set of rules pretty loosely, didn’t put too much pressure on myself and still got drunk when I wanted too without fear of failure. I had one cheat day a week and other then that I had a life. The difference now is that my quest for the perfect healthy lifestyle became exactly what I didn’t want; an obsession. So today I’m going to start something I haven’t done in a while and that’s making a conscious effort to be content with where I am right now. Change will happen whether I force it or not.
Well, that was defiantly a fab therapy session for me and maybe it could help someone else too. Lesson learned today is too enjoy things and not take them too seriously. This blog will probably turn into something different then what I intended but I guess that’s the beauty of it.
Have a fab day all 😉 – Shanelle